Some Heart-Warming Stories | ||
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Me and my stories You might have read on one of my random pages that I am very morbid, cynical, and pensive. Add to that list: "ingenius writer" and "modest" (har har har) and here's what you get. You guessed it, it's a bunch of weird, cool, and (I think) twistedly well-written (unlike the rest of this website) stories. The U in Uberpixies used to have the two dots over it, but the encoding does not like it, so now it's just a capital U. Note that "Jolly Pirate" is yet another one of my aliases. |
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The Uberpixie Chronicles. Prepare to be weirded out.
The Uberpixie Chronicles |
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Miranda the Rat, a pivotal character in the Uberpixie chronicles. Notice that the invisible Uberpixie is not visible, although it is in the picture. |
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Another cool/weird story I wrote (guess who has an obsession with 1984?):
A New World The conspiracy had failed. All involved were doomed to die. They might evade the government for several months, but in the end, they would be caught. As the arsonists had crept up to the Chamber, a loud shout issued from the towering walls. They ran for cover, but it was too late. The arsonists met their deaths as screaming fire bullets rained down on them in an undodgeable volley. As the army of assassins waiting outside heard the noise, they ran for cover. Our Leader, as he was called, would not die today. Most of the assassins escaped to the shadows of the alleys between the newly constructed apartments commemorating the dead in the war being waged against West Canada. However, many met their deaths in the waiting jaws of the phylofosaurs, genetically engineered super beasts who guarded the Chamber. They could not only see perfectly well in the dark, but could also see hidden targets with their sensors in their bodies which could detect infa-red light. Of the planners and the rest of the assassins, they would be found eventually through an enormous manhunt. Every citizen of the vast kingdom of Neo-Russia would be required to show up for a test. They would be put into a room in which was located a gigantic clock. Every 1.3 seconds, a frequency which is impossible for the human body to adjust to, the clock would emit a single tick. The walls were made of invincible plasma screens which showed a single hideously bloodshot human eye, which would blink in unison with the clock. A small, almost inaudible voice would continuously say, "We know what you did." Every citizen Neo-Russia would be subjected to this torture for five and one half days. The Method, as it was called, had a curious way of always finding guilty persons. Any citizen who did not show up for the Method would immediately be presumed guilty. A picture of their face would be sent to every camera in Neo-Russia. They would be instantly recognized, hunted down, and destroyed. Not many committed crimes in Neo-Russia. Some would try to escape to Kashistan, Neo-Germany, or even to the Euro-African Empire. However, this was usually impossible as well. Only the most loyal, tenured citizens and veterans were allowed to live anywhere near the border. The rest lived in the cold northern wastes, growing beets for one month of the year or working a crummy job in a broken down office. Three thousand miles is a long way for a fugitive to walk in Neo-Russia. Neo-Russia never re-adopted the old communist policies after the first Devastation of the American Easter seaboard. A curious mix of Democracy and Totalitarianism had evolved, much like the old Iraq, crushed years ago in UN/US campaign against the country's abuse of weapons of mass destruction. Anyone voting against Our Leader was considered a criminal and therefore destroyed. It was conceivable that even if Our Leader truly did exist (he had never been seen by any regular citizen of Neo-Russia), he would have been elected even if the vote was against him. After all, who could argue when the Island of Our Leader (formerly Novaya Zemlya) could not be gotten to without special government permits which were never granted? (Approval took anywhere from twenty-five to fifty years.) It was amazing that the arsonists and assassins had been able to slip past Neo-Russia's massive navy, numerous guards, phylofosaurs, cameras, and other security devices. Their deaths had resulted from enormous advances in technology since the Devastations. After rogue Russian generals had made a nuclear wasteland of some of the world's most populous regions (Indonesia, Southeastern Asia, Japan, and the US Eastern Seaboard, the Devastations), the world's structure immediately began to fall apart. The UN and various other alliances were crushed after the countries allied were either destroyed by nuclear, chemical, and biological weapons or besieged by such. Russia's government was quickly seized by the rogues, who promptly renamed the country Neo-Russia. They promptly began a massive imperialistic campaign, capturing all of Asia. Terrorists and other rogue organizations around the world saw their chance. Abu-Sayyaf in the Philipines, led by the prominent Commander Robot, FARC in Colombia, and pro-slavery rebels all formed their own countries. Venezuela and Uruguay, backed by the then still-existing and powerful-as-ever OPEC, staged a giant takeover of South America. Neo-Nazis exiled to Greenland rebelled and invaded Northern Canada. US and Canadian forces, robbed of their main cities and weapons, pulled back to the western United States and Canada, allying and forming the new country West Canada, leaving much of the Midwest and the remainder of the East a hopeless region of anarchy. Following its blitzkrieg-like takeover, Neo-Russia promptly reverted 95% of its economy into war products, hoping to further expand its massive empire into Neo-Germany and the Euro-African Empire. As a result, a rapid advance of technology in the war sector took place. New weapons such as fire bullets, large incendiary rockets that produced a shrapnel-hurling 20-foot fire ball when they exploded, and advances in genetic engineering ,such as the creation of the phylofosaurs, allowed Neo-Russia to dominate not only its enemies, but its citizens as well. A system of high-tech, facial recognition cameras was set up across the nation. Every citizen could be instantly tracked as soon as their file could be pulled up from the national database, which stated whether or not a person was wanted for a particular crime. Persons not listed on the database were immediately hunted down by the nearest Protector (law enforcement official) and arrested. Beepers on their suits alerted them of a nearby violator or alien. Because Neo-Russia was extremely strict with its laws, most people were reduced to unassertive, quiet, patriotic nobodies, fearing that some unknown law would have them arrested. Not many citizens knew what happened to people who were arrested. The people who this system produced were extremely depressed and gloomy. There was a quiet but eerily restless atmosphere wherever citizens of Neo-Russia could be found. It was truly a New World. |
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A New World Order. The map varies slightly from the description in the story, but the main ideas are still there. |
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My twisted attempt at poetry
This is a wee poem I wrote. Its pretty strange. Hominoid InVasion Syndrome [Chorus] Down in the evolutionary chain Down in the bogs of hominoid failure Drifting the march like a grizzled old sailor And trapped in a cage was primate's bane A wee little monkey near driven insane The ages passed, the sands of time Humanity grew, advanced and sublime The winds of change blew over the world The dance of fate twisted and twirled And the the monkeys wait and stare at the sky Some of the monkeys - a tear in their eye Trapped in the jungle like primitive beasts Awaiting demise as humans come in Chopping forests, monkey flesh feasts Within their hearts began to stir A burning fire of hatred and war The monkeys revolt! They fought brave and wild Biting and tearing man, woman and child But men are wise and thus they laugh What do monkeys know about waging war? Man and his weapons - There be monkeys no more But men forget what fools they can be Glory plunder and killing - that's all they can see For out of the ruins, the ashes, the dust Out of the death - a monkey paw thrust Arisen from ashes, derived of all hope Wretched and wounded from battle Pushing a stone on an upward slope The last of a kind Miserable offspring of a lost species Pitiful spawn of the doomed, the failed Whose forefathers fought against all odds With the greatest gallantry, fortitude, and honor But when have justice or good ever prevailed? Lone roamer of the jungle Who looks for revenge None shall come to you O forsaken afterthought of the fates The eternal waves of time Wash the footprints from the sand Always unchanging But for the wicked empire of Man Until one day Deep in the forgotten lair of a lost clan Man ventures too far A foolish butcher A rotten chimp Monkey sandwich anyone? But the butcher - a pimp Who could have guessed The HIV imp A wicked evil uncovered Of anguish and affliction Of the most horrible type Lays man to his death But only by his own failure For man cannot resist the deadly hidden pleasure And he dies out of ignorance Apathy, greed, stupidity The last laugh of the ancient monkey Whose soul now rests in Destiny's lap Taking control as she takes a small nap |
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Monkey War 2: Monkeys get Mean |