This is a funny play that we wrote during history. Enjoy.

An Epic Play!

of Humanities Proportions!

Ivy: So I'm banging three guys and I can't remember their names, or their last names...

Brad: I don't know. [Ed. Note: Originally "Anon."]

Rafe: Oh Ivy, I can't believe you didn't remember me...or wait, was that K-Dizzle? I was playing my calculator the whole time anyway, so I don't remember either...hey Zev, can I pull your hair?

Brad: I don't know.

Zev: Sure, I picked it out this morning. But watch out for the bird's nest that they built in it last spring.

Da Vinni comes out of the closet followed by pantless Rafe. Ivy screams "Anon!" as she is almost done with K-Dizzle but K-Dizzle dismounts to pet Rafe's head and call him her "great old writer." Courtney slams window.

K-Dizzle looks around, covers self in Da Vinni's toga/frilly collar/Rafe's sweatshirt.

K-Dizzle:  JON TURN AROUND!!!

K-Dizzle mumbles in butchered Japanese and French. She then calls the office with non-existent phone. Enter Ms. Vitz several seconds later.

Eric: Oh man, Ms. Vitz, you have such huge nuts!

Ms. Vitz: Jonhannes Pezzinshtein, off to Auschwitz with you! You are behaving like a Jew!

Jon: ARRRRR. Slumps over dead.

Brad: I don't know.

Enter Scot.

Scot: Hi guys, I'm gonna make a stupid joke and try to fit in.

Kory: Slight smile.

Sean: Slight smile.

Seep leaps across room.

Seep: La-di-da-di-da! I'm a pretty pink dancing elephant! La-di-da-di-da!

Saradee: Soy tan bajo como perros.

Saradee realizes she has just spoken Spanish, keels over, and dies, making a very small thud. (Her head barely makes a sound, it has shrunk from 'mathnorexia'.

Kory: Slight smile.

Sean: Slight smile.

Mac: Some random history fact!

Everyone: Uh....

Class members simultaneously go down on hydraulic computer chairs. Laughing.

Courtney: I shall bury the deceased lovers -

Everybody: WHAT?!?!

Courtney: Oops, I mean, I shall bury Jon and Saradee, then perform the proper Wiccan funeral rites, which include killing all men in the room.

Sarah S.: The Wiccan funeral rites don't include anything like tha-

Courtney: Shut up you!

K-Dizzle: This is all cock popping fun...uh...I mean, poppycock and done.  It's enough, spank me, I mean, frankly, to cook your woofie and rape me...I mean woof your cookie with Rafe. I am the antichrist. I mean, aren't I so nice?

Brad: I don't know.

K-Dizzle gets demonish look of rage in eyes. Large tentacles appear out of her arms, entire room turns red, computer screen starts twirling around flashing "BOW DOWN". Intense screaming noise in background. Flame appears. Jon and Saradee rise from dead, stabbing K-Dizzle with various body parts rotted off in the grave. In a desparate fight, they defeat K-Dizzle and drag her down to Hell where she becomes best friends with Satan.

Everyone: We love Humanities.